TWENTY EIGHT R.P.M.

TWENTY EIGHT R.P.M. 

Did you ever feel like your life

was going round and round in circles

just like a needle on the turntable

replaying the same loop over and over

well my  first major milestone was back when I was 8

and no, not one of those 8  tracks

that you particularly liked playing back to back

on the ever ending stack of wax

I'm talking about a life changing event

It was the day that I learned to never make any attachments

not to my mother or my father

or to any other … I learned that love always walks away

So my young tender heart shielded itself by turning away

from anything that could hurt me

I became aloof, I hid the truth,

stopped the world from seeing the real me.

Conversations with myself became the norm

I looked for love through all the wrong doors

Only to have them slam back on me

back to where I started…repressing all memory

of what it was like to be loved without condition

instead, living a life full of self-derision

changing myself for others simply to be liked

losing that inner beauty of my own life

I drifted along for 20 odd years

never knowing where I was really going

But this was the norm for me

falling for anyone who I thought could “save me”

Each year losing a bit more of who I am

Slowly drifting through the wayside

I didn’t think twice what I was doing with my life

Continually getting into trouble and all kinds of strife

Forgetting my dreams, my truth, my passion

Waking up one day I asked myself “what the fuck happened?”

I was lucky back then, as I had no other responsibility

so I packed a suitcase, and chucked it in the back of a utility

I began to discover who I was inside

it was one drug fuelled hell of a ride

music, loud parties and dancing till dawn

waking up with hangovers nearly every other morn’

Then at 28 something pivotal happened

I had a dream that was a clue to my destiny

only problem was , I couldn’t interpret the sign,

I confused the message when I tried to process it with my mind

What I didn’t realize was that I was being given a gift

a key to my future, only I didn’t know it

So silly me, I blew the opportunity

Ignoring what it was right in front of me

Because I had shut down my heart so long ago

there was no way I could trust or even know

that the person I had seen in my dream

would one day manifest in my waking reality

So instead I went in a different direction

it’s a choice I made without much reflection

drifting back into my old pathetic ways

giving away my true voice, my power in so many ways

But I didn’t know any different, I thought everything was just dandy

But life has a funny (even cruel) way of coming back full circle

My life from 28 has pretty much stayed in limbo

and believe me…it’s not because I’m some dumb bimbo

I followed my stubbornness instead of the whisperings of my heart

I did things to please others which was not very smart

and I probably could have gone on like this for the rest of my life

staying safe, out of trouble, not causing any strife

But destiny is a tough teacher and it has a way of coming back

It will hit you in the face when you least suspect it

oops up side the head…like a good ole pimp slap

So, just when I had settled into complacency YOU came back

Of course I resisted and refused to believe it could be true

I mean how is it even possible… it must be a mistake

I thought my over active imagination was playing tricks on me

My whole life now turned upside down…I did a second take

But who am I to question what the beatings of my heart tell me

we can maybe fool ourselves, but only for so long

I knew it was real because I suddenly felt real light

I knew that with you I could dance on air… up to dizzying heights

Life is rarely fair when it comes to matters of the heart

Sometimes things happen to give us a jump start

But it’s never easy to walk away from what we have grown accustomed to

But seriously…I would rather die than not to be able to be there with you

If only I knew back then what I know today

still… it’s not that easy to walk away

but if life came back to tell me that you really are the one

I can no longer deny the message of my infinite I

(c) Teresa/Divinia 14th March 2013
      Written in one take.